mom – traumamom4

March 17, 2024

‘Not Very Lady-Like’

“Dr. Hartwell…”, he said. “Your behavior yesterday was not very ‘lady-like'”. I heard those words nearly 15 years ago as a chief resident, from a senior (male) surgeon, the patriarch of the program, who had pulled me aside after an educational conference, specifically to reprimand me for comments I made the day prior, in defense of a junior resident who had been asked to perform duties outside of her scope of training. I admit that my frustration about the situation...

September 24, 2023

Tell Me a Story

As a very young child, my dad would lie next to me as I was falling asleep, and I would say to him, “Daddy, tell me a story.” It was in those twilight moments when I learned about my dad’s childhood, my grandfather’s bakery, and my aunts and uncles. I believe most of those stories were true, but from time to time, I am sure there were embellishments or made-up stories to intrigue yet soothe me as I found peaceful...

June 28, 2023

Dying Well

Seven days ago, we said goodbye to our very sweet 12-year-old Goldendoodle, Einstein. A few weeks ago we noticed that he was having trouble maintaining his balance, his back legs sliding out from under him. A week after that, he had a seizure. It was traumatic for all of us. We took him to the emergency vet who offered admission, sedation, MRIs, and continuous IV anti-seizure medications. I sat in the sterile confines of the vet ER office with my...

September 3, 2022

The Part Before “Fine”

When someone asks, “How was your day?”, you probably briefly look back and choose one or two words that summarize your strongest feelings about it. “It was exciting!” or “It was exhausting” or more often, “It was fine”. While this is what we have come to expect in our everyday short-form communication with one another, what we end up doing is burying dozens of other emotions that deserve a mention, too. This got me thinking about examining just one day...

September 13, 2019

I know you are busy…

“I know you are incredibly busy, so I hesitated to even send this to you…” I read those words and lowered my eyes. Sad. My student who I have been working with for years now, concerned she would be cluttering my inbox. She simply wanted some feedback on a very short document. “I know you are super busy, so just call when you have a chance.” My own mother taking deference to my hectic schedule. “How’s your morning going? Let...

February 7, 2019

Embers

Fatigue, burnout, distress. Well-being, self-care, resilience. Tools. Prevention. Resources. Mindfulness. Yoga. Balance. This. Is. Exhausting. I’ve heard talk after talk at national meetings on burnout over the past few weeks. And months. And, well…years. And we are still talking about it. And we are still burned out. We are doing this wrong… I’m preparing my own talk on burn out. And I’m struggling to say anything new. But I promised myself I wouldn’t just say what’s been said before because...

October 17, 2018

Get Real With Me, Stranger

Delta and I have become good friends over the past year. Between a few special trips to celebrate weddings and anniversaries, and a few meetings for work, I have been in the air a lot this year. I know where the good restrooms are in ATL and DTW. I still loathe travel through SLC, but I found a new favorite in MSP. I have my routine down to a science. Always choose the aisle seat. Place the arm rest down,...

August 7, 2018

Easier

We recently received a mass email from our Department Chairman that included some updates and general information. Towards the end of the message, he explained that we should expect a meeting invitation for our annual, individual one-on-one meeting with him. He stated the four questions that he will ask, offering them in advance to allow each of us time to contemplate an answer. The last question was, “What are you working on and how can I help you?” I am...

July 7, 2018

Delay

I’m staring down the 5lbs that have crept onto my waist and thighs this Spring. We have done a lot of traveling and celebrating…a dear friend’s destination wedding, a milestone anniversary, and our traditional family beach trip. When we got home from Italy, after eating and drinking way more than we usually do, I was convinced I’d moved the needle on the scale, but I had not. Feeling proud of myself for the feat of maintenance while traveling, I thought...

May 10, 2018

Just Put The Boots On

Every year we meet up with friends in Memphis and go to the Beale Street Music Festival (BSMF). Both the line-up and my capacity to stay awake past midnight get a little weaker with each subsequent trip. But we keep going because we value the time with our friends and quite frankly, Memphis owns a little slice of our souls and we feel compelled to annually pilgrimage back to our adopted second home. We eat too much and sleep too little,...