I’m staring down the 5lbs that have crept onto my waist and thighs this Spring. We have done a lot of traveling and celebrating…a dear friend’s destination wedding, a milestone anniversary, and our traditional family beach trip. When we got home from Italy, after eating and drinking way more than we usually do, I was convinced I’d moved the needle on the scale, but I had not. Feeling proud of myself for the feat of maintenance while traveling, I thought little of the next round of feasts on vacation. Alas, when we got home last week, I found that it’s all caught up to me. This is not a new phenomenon…I’ve noticed before that the scale lags behind my carefree intake. It took several weeks for those pounds to sneak on, and it will take several weeks to make them go away. As much as I want the scale to read the same as it did before our trip, it will take some time. There is always a delay…

Ask any physician who takes in-house call what it feels like to be post-call. They will tell you they are tired, but it’s the post-post-call day that’s so tough. I’m mentally sharp, relatively focused, and seem to crack more jokes and have the energy to cook and clean when I am immediately post call, but catch me the day after that and you’ll find me in a fog, grumpy, and unable to accomplish anything but routine self-hygiene. There is a delay in the fatigue…

And so it is in much of life. Think of all of the prominent politicians and celebrities who have fallen from grace due to allegations of misconduct, years, or even decades, later. Although they may have forgotten about whatever happened in their past, the wounds of their actions or words have remained open. The price to pay for their indiscretion came much later…on delay.

Although we live in a world that feels so instant, with all of the knowledge we could want right at our fingertips, a call or text available from our pocket or purse at all times, a package that can be delivered by tomorrow, so much of our hearts and minds remain on delay. What we see or felt or heard or did or experienced years, or decades, ago continues to bruise us today. It is the human condition. To move on from the past, yet be shaped by it; continually affected by it. It’s what hurts us, yet drives us to be stronger. This truth brings us anxiety and fear, that what we thought was well behind us, comes back, after a long delay. Career paths, terse words, relationship decisions, experiments with diets or drinks or drugs…choices we made that remain in sight in the rearview mirror, no matter how far away we thought we have driven.

The moments that periodically bubble back up into my conscience, that make me feel small and weak, or sorry and scared, even after a delay, are hard to make go away. It’s in these times that I am reminded of the powerful grace of Jesus who at just the right time, spoons out a portion of  peace onto my wounded heart, to soothe whatever is burning in that moment, to give me enough strength to keep moving forward. And over time, He pours out even more forgiveness, hope, wisdom, and love to understand and release that which is bothering me, even after a long delay. He takes the burden of the past and, if I let him, uses it to make something more beautiful than I ever thought possible. He releases the anxiety and reveals the hope. In this life, we will always have to pay the physical price, the legal or earthly price, for every decision we make. But that’s not the end game. Humbly offering up my human brokenness to our Savior is the path to peace, to Heaven…after our earthly delay.

Disclaimer: My viewpoints are not necessarily reflective of my employer, or any local, regional or national organization that I belong to. As a matter of fact, I pretty much just speak for myself. Please keep that in mind.