“I know you are incredibly busy, so I hesitated to even send this to you…” I read those words and lowered my eyes. Sad. My student who I have been working with for years now, concerned she would be cluttering my inbox. She simply wanted some feedback on a very short document.

“I know you are super busy, so just call when you have a chance.” My own mother taking deference to my hectic schedule.

“How’s your morning going? Let me know when you have a minute. I need to talk through the schedule for next week.” My husband. My soulmate. We share a bed for heaven’s sake and here we are playing text tag to figure out who is coming and going in the next few days!

Yes, of course I am busy. Busy is the new “I’m fine, how about you?” I’m _________, (fill in the blank)…busy, tired, going crazy… But how did I somehow send the message to the people in my life who are important to me that they should ‘take a number’ or wonder if their request to talk is somehow a burden?

Is being busy some sort of strange badge of honor? Some irrational way to convince ourselves that we must be crushing life cause we are soooo busy! Are we all so busy that we simply believe just one more email or text or call will break me, so you must feel the same?

The truth is, we are busy. We fill our days and nights with a lot of very important things…humanitarian work, research, parenting, life saving surgery…There is no arguing that many of us feel like our To-Do list is a mile longer than the number of hours in a day. I generally get that To-Do list remarkably close to done. I make my check boxes and I decide which thing is most important and I start tackling my “busy”. I stay up late or rise early and do what I set out to do.

The problem, though, has little to do with what’s on my To-Do list, but more how I make people feel as I march through it. Did I stop and breathe and look my student in the eye the last time she dropped by my office? Did I make her feel important? Was I distracted when I finally called my mom back? Did I even bother to look away from my computer when my husband asked who would be picking up our youngest son from school one day next week?

I would posit that it takes just as much time, maybe less, to make someone feel important, special, valued, to me as it does make them feel like they are simply in the way of my precious To-Do list. I can do better.

I really do have the time to review a short paper for a mentee. I really do have the time to call a friend, grab coffee with a colleague, have a genuine conversation with my husband. My failure is less in the margin I have left for the people I count close to me, and more in the way I have somehow sent the heartbreaking message that my time is more precious than they are.

I hope you know I don’t write these blog posts because I am an expert or have mastered the aforementioned content. Rather, I am keeping an open journal. Welcome to my mind and my heart as I strive to be better.

Today’s To-Do list remains only mostly done. But it’s time to put my feet up…if you want to chat, give me a call…you’ll have my undivided attention.

Disclaimer: My viewpoints are not necessarily reflective of my employer, or any local, regional or national organization that I belong to. As a matter of fact, I pretty much just speak for myself. Please keep that in mind.