We’ve all read the headlines. Scrolled through our social media. Talk to almost any healthcare provider these days and you will hear words like “exhausted”, “overwhelmed”, and “disillusioned”. The more angsty of us will add “exasperated”, “wounded”, and “given up on humanity”. I have to admit. It’s bad in here. Patients everywhere. Tired staff. Demonstrably preventable death all around us. So it’s pretty easy to get into a downward spiral of doom.

What is more, we have seen the worst of humanity in the past 24 months. The rejection of the social contract; the refusal to engage in self-sacrifice for the greater good. We have been hurt by strangers and friends; colleagues and family; and even our sacred institutions and supposed spiritual leaders.

Researchers say that we have a tendency to focus on the worst-case scenario as a matter of self-preservation. We want to be prepared. We have a tendency to be affected more by negative experiences than positive ones; sad and discouraging comments more than happy ones. It’s a defense mechanism. And if COVID has taught us anything in the last three years, it’s that whatever we can imagine, it can be worse. So yeah, we are pretty cautious over here in the hospital. A little skeptical of good news, and focused on the most dire of predictions.

Recently, as I was chatting with a dear friend and colleague, I was headed towards the spiral. We exchanged some dark gifs and memes…I was getting saucy. And sad. After a pause, he said, “Jen. Remember that time you called me in tears on a Saturday morning to tell me about the family who you sat with for hours while their loved one was dying? Remember how you told me how wonderful that family was? And they hugged you and thanked you.” “Yes,” I replied. “Give that memory, and ones like it, more weight in your brain.”

Wow. What a reframe! It’s so easy to get pulled down into the darkness by a few people or situations that are bleak. It’s easy to get caught up in the frenzy of extreme despair. And yes, it’s bad. But where I take and keep my thoughts can either be healthy or toxic. And I have that power of choice.

The space, the weight, that I give those memories can have the power to help me balance some of the desperation that I feel. Yes, that memory was about death. But that’s the point. Even in the darkest of moments, that family found a way to give me hope and purpose.

So I have tried to be more intentional about creating weight for things that are not as bleak and sad. I make a point of taking a picture of a sunset or my kids so those things have more weight in my camera roll. I made a point today to listen to old Dave Mattews Band songs because that reminds me of great times in college. I dropped by to chat with my partner today and asked her to tell me about something besides work. We need to build weight for the better things.

I don’t mean to ignore or downplay the gravity of our current reality. I just mean it’s heavy. Like really heavy. And without some balance, too many of us are finding ourselves buried under it all. There is such a thing as toxic positivity. That’s not where I am going with this. I mean to acknowledge, honor and process the horror of COVID, and also choose to create weight for hope and joy. We need some heavier things in our lives…including the heavy happy things.

Disclaimer: My viewpoints are not necessarily reflective of my employer, or any local, regional or national organization that I belong to. As a matter of fact, I pretty much just speak for myself. Please keep that in mind.