April 30, 2023
We have arrived at a time in US history in which the ink isn’t even dry on one story of a mass shooting, and another one has happened. There are so many mass shootings, that we can’t recall the cities and places where they occur, we have to look them up. There are entire websites dedicated to collecting data and documenting the tragedies, one after the other. It’s a continuous news cycle of senseless death. Sadly, our American appetite for...
April 22, 2023
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” –Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride. Blessed. We throw that word around a lot, but I’m not always certain we really grasp what it means. Or the depth of what it could mean. The English language, bless its heart, consistently gives us one word for something that in another language would have multiple words to describe a range of rich meanings. Think about the word...
April 15, 2023
I’m still in Matthew 5, still in the Beatitudes. And gonna be here for a while. There is a lot to digest. I promised you I would show you my messy parts here because I know my messy parts are not unique to me. So buckle up, let’s talk about our hard stuff, and grow together. I am a people pleaser. I mean, to the Nth degree. I want people to like me. Even people who don’t really know me....
April 9, 2023
A few days ago, our youngest son, Sam, asked if we were going to church on Sunday. We haven’t gone to church on a Sunday morning in about three years (save for Christmas Eve service with extended family), so I was curious where this question came from. Sam attends a non-denominational youth group-like gathering with some of his school buddies. Think: Young Life as we had in high school. While I have my reservations about organizations such as these, I...
April 8, 2023
One of the first things I have had to do in this journey is let go of searching for the “one right thing” and learn to live in the messy middle, the grey zone, the gauzy center. I was raised in a conservative Baptist church and school from birth to age 12 or 13, then we moved to a more contemporary Methodist church. (Much more to come on all of this in future posts). But needless to say, my very...
April 7, 2023
I wasn’t going to do this. No need to hash this out in public. But as I have been wrestling for more than a year now about my journey with (away from?) the church, and the more I realize that many others are doing the same, I wondered if we could learn from each other…so I’m keeping an open journal of this journey. Background: In summary, the 2016 election followed by the response to COVID massively disrupted my faith in...
February 18, 2023
Se-cret (noun): a: something kept hidden or unexplained: mystery b: something kept from the knowledge of others or shared only confidentially with a few. We all have complicated relationships with secrets. The word alone may invoke feelings of guilt or shame; excitement and intimacy; or fear. At times we are hurt by secrets and at other times pleasantly surprised. Secrets are a very curious and nuanced thing. Over the years, I have shared some of my secrets with my husband, my parents, and...
January 14, 2023
Several weeks ago, as my husband and I were leaving a social event, he could sense I was upset, angry even. I walked to the car with firm footsteps, my heels clicking the pavement with force and a rapid cadence. My arms were folded across my chest. My lips pursed. We had a rather lengthy drive home, so I knew we’d have time to discuss this matter. He could sense I was fuming. He, too, was not happy, as part...
November 6, 2022
I know I am not alone as I write this raw reflection on the disorienting events of the past few years. The faith that I grew up in and thought I understood but has hurt me instead. The politics that co-opted Evangelical Christianity and turned into a cult. The mass destruction of life through COVID and gun violence with little regard for science-based recommendations to stem the tide of death. The shocking tolerance, and even promotion, of racism, antisemitism, and...
September 25, 2022
I set out on my run this morning with a feeling of self-loathing, acutely aware of the 10lb that has crept onto my body in the last 2 years. Irritated and anxious to get back to the weight I feel best at, I laced up my shoes and started down the street. The music was thumping in my earbuds and set the tone for a pretty good run. Or run/walk, that is. I am out of shape. Within a few...