I got a haircut today. I sat in the same chair I have sat in every 4-6 weeks for the past four years. Sometimes a cut and color. Sometimes just a cut. But always the same reassuring conversation. “How are you? How is your family? How was your holiday? Any vacation plans?” My stylist knows me quite well by now. She knows my kids by name; she knows my job; she knows my hobbies and my interests. She can tell when I am tired or frustrated. She knew something was up before I even told her about our pending move. She could sense there was something I needed to tell her. I’m sure she’s heard all kinds of stories from that chair. I am sure she has heard about love and loss, about hope and joy, about anger and fear. She said something to me today which I found rather simple but quite profound. She said, “You know, sometimes we just need to know that we are not alone.”

Earlier in the day, I was talking to our Administrative Assistant in the office. We talked about my morning run and her mid-day yoga. We talked about her granddaughter and my kids. I commented how touched I was by her noticing some of the details of my daily routine. She said, “Well, we are a ‘family’ around here.”

I got a call this afternoon about a friend of a friend who has a family member admitted to the hospital. He was seeking a connection to be reassured that his friend’s mother was not alone. “I wasn’t sure who else to call. I just wanted to be sure that you could help clarify the situation and provide some advice to the family.”

A friend texted late last night to let me know about a car accident. She relayed the details of the situation and wrote, “God showed me over and over that I am not alone…”

Prolonged silence in the car as I was driving my daughter to soccer practice, was broken by my question, asking if she is tired. “No, I’m fine. I get energized when I’m with my friends at practice. I’m more tired when I am alone.”

We are so connected. But sometimes, we feel so alone. We have 857 Facebook friends, but are they suffering from anxiety too? We see our friends’ Instagram pictures of their kids at the school play and they look so happy, but are they exhausted too? Those dinners on Pinterest look incredible, but do those working moms really have the time to make that Pasta Primavera from scratch? We compare ourselves. Berate ourselves. Doubt ourselves.

Connected is not the same as together. We crave the reassurance that we are not alone. That we are in this life together. Last year, during some of my loneliest and most frustrated moments, I sought the advice and help of a counselor. And the most important thing I learned from her: You are not alone. You are normal. Your thoughts and feelings and emotions are not unusual.

We have a deep desire, dare I even say a need, to know that we are not alone. Whether we are the friend, the patient, the stylist, the counselor…the mom. We all have a need to know we are not alone, and an obligation to reassure each other, “I’ve been there. I know how it feels. You are not alone.” We are all each others’ therapists, whether we like it or not. We find strength for ourselves when we share our own stories. And we encourage one another when we remind each other…you are not alone.

 

Disclaimer: My viewpoints are not necessarily reflective of my employer, or any local, regional or national organization that I belong to. As a matter of fact, I pretty much just speak for myself. Please keep that in mind.