I went to the optometrist the other day, when I was post call, as that’s when I had time to go. She’s new to me. Because…Reset. A super nice gal. Took a lot of time with me. Chatted up the new town we are moving to and gave me names for a pediatrician, an internal medicine physician, the babysitting service and the local moms’ Facebook page. She cheered me on when I was trying to read the very fine print on the bottom line. I cheated a little cause I remembered it from when the tech did the screening a few minutes earlier. But whatever. It kept me out of bifocals.

She was quick to notice my red, blood shot eyes and promptly diagnosed me with “Dry Eyes”. ICD-10-CM H04.129, dry eye syndrome, tear film insufficiency. I’m pretty sure you can just cross reference that with “ICD-10: periodically on call, blood shot eyes, last sleep > 36hr prior to exam”. Bless her heart…she sent me home with two different kinds of eye drops, two different brands of contact lenses, eye cleansing wipes, specially formulated fish oil vitamins, a new contact lens cleaner…and a moisturizing eye mask. All sure to relieve my new problem, that I was up until now, unaware that I had.

I applied one eye drop. And cried like a baby. The few seconds of terror that precede the actual installation of that drop in my eye, the tip of that bottle coming ever closer to my exposed cornea…I can’t deal with it. I took the fish oil. And had smelly burps for a few days. Probably not gonna follow through with that one either. Patients do actually appreciate it when their surgeon doesn’t smell like stale fish. Or so I am told. Tried the new lens cleaner. It’s nice. It came with a fancy, spinny little cage like thing for the lenses while they soak. It’s pretty tough to see the “R” and “L” on the case…you’d think the manufacturers would understand that the reason we need the contacts in the first place is cause we can’t see too well and they might want to throw us a bone and at least make the letters on the case a different color or something. It’s like a cruel joke for contact wearers…they secretly laugh at us putting our contacts in the wrong eye…while they are wearing their nerd glasses. Joke’s on us…

But I was pretty sure I could get behind this really nice eye mask deal. It’s very soft and you heat it in the microwave for 30 seconds to activate the “moisture beads”. I mean, this is like an at home spa! Yeah…that’s right…dry eyes. Sorry, dear, I’ll be over here following through with the medical therapy for my dry eyes, while you are cleaning/putting the kids to bed…I mean, she prescribed it!

I laid down with that mask over my eyes. And at first I was like, “What am I gonna do for 10 minutes while my eyes are closed?” I can’t check Facebook/Twitter/email. I can’t read. I can’t watch HGTV. I just have to lay here. Huh. Ok. I shall do my best. That lasted about 1 minute until…I relaxed…and then…I panicked a little. I tried to open my eyes behind that mask. But I couldn’t. It. Was. Black. My heart started racing a little and I had this flash of thoughts run through my head. If I was blind…like I felt just then…there would be no surgery, no running, no driving; no reading, no blogging, no Facebook and Twitter; no cooking, no shopping….no seeing the faces of my children…or my husband.

Suddenly, the miracle of sight that Jesus gave to nameless folks in the New Testament just resonated with me like never before. Luke 4:18 (AMP) “…He has sent Me (Jesus) to announce release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind…” Vision. My sight. The basis for my livelihood, my income. The foundation of what I name as joy in my life. And how often, how every moment of the day, I take it for granted. I demand new contacts because my Rx has changed by 0.25. I must see better. When the totally cute, and my new BFF, optometrist, asked me if it’s more important to have my best vision at a distance or up close for reading, I placed my hands at OR table level and I said, “I have to see here.” It wasn’t a question of vision or no vision. It was, “Where should I set your perfect?” And all of this gives me pause, that while I need my vision to do my job, my perfect vision is simply seeing in my heart all that I take for granted and must be still…and thankful for.

Disclaimer: My viewpoints are not necessarily reflective of my employer, or any local, regional or national organization that I belong to. As a matter of fact, I pretty much just speak for myself. Please keep that in mind.